THOUGHTS & WRITING

Sarah never, ever, well, hardly never ever, checked her junk mail.  But, sitting up at 1:18 am (digital clocks allow perfection), and having nothing else to do,

She scooted the arrow over to Junk Mail, and absentmindedly clicked it.

“Just as I thought (she thought as she scrolled down), Junk Mail. “   And then,

several scrolls down she saw the email address.

“Oh, for heaven’s sake; I don’t believe it.”

Sarah noted that the email had been sent a little over a month ago.  She opened the email, reading it with curiosity.

Hi Sarah.  I bet you weren’t ever expecting to hear from me again, were you.

Well, life hands us surprises and here’s one of yours.

This is probably going to seem odd to you, but you were the only one I could think of who might help me with this problem.  I want to say up-front, that if you decide not to respond, I will certainly understand.  Honestly, were I in your shoes, I’m not sure I would answer me.

Let me get to the point.

You know that I have been remarried for over forty years now.   What I’m realizing is that it seems I am in the same morass I was in when you and I were married.   It’s Déjà vu all over again, and I’m not happy about it.

I’m in a very different place internally than when we were together, and at this point I would really like to turn this marriage  to Celia around.

It is for sure asking a lot of you, and I totally understand if you simply delete this email and forget me.

But if you could, it would mean a lot to me if you could write me about your memory of what it was like to live with me, and what was going on inside of you at the time.

Somehow I’m thinking I might hear you better than I hear Celia at this time, and perhaps I could find a way to make a new beginning with her.

So, what do you think?  Can you help me?

Gratefully,

Ron

Sarah stared at the email.  She read it again, and again, and again. The memories of the years of that marriage came in fast snapshots, totally out of calendar order.

It had been so many years now, and Sarah had put enormous distance from that time.  She didn’t know if she had “forgiven” him, but she at least had done enough work to understand what might have motivated him and how she had colluded to make their fifteen years what they were.  And she had worked to make changes in how she viewed life, how she felt about herself, and how she wanted to treat other people.

It had been a long, tedious road, but Sarah felt it was worth it.  She was happy with where she was now.

Sarah thought about all of this for awhile.  The clock now registered 3:12 am.

She moved her finger over the Delete key and pressed it resolutely.

She got up and walked to the bedroom.  As she opened the door, Sarah said quietly, “Ron, do your own work.”

9/17/15

© Susan Alley

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